Blog

One of the biggest problems facing funeral service today is the fact that nobody knows exactly what a funeral director is. Are they akin to waiters, with a responsibility to deliver exactly what a family asks but never dare suggest something healthier? Or are they leaders, duty-bound to guide a family toward the decisions that will serve them best? Do they exist only for the deceased, to quietly handle the body and its disposition? Or is the surviving family’s health and well-being something with which they should concern themselves? Are they counselors with a role of providing compassionate guidance? Or salespeople with numbers to hit? Should they be empathetic to reflect the family’s state of mind? Or stoic, true to the fact that they have done this a thousand times?

The paradigm is changing isn’t it? The shift from old guard to new guard is upon us. It has proved to be uncomfortable on all fronts. Our beloved industry is one of the most stagnant industries in the world and tradition plays a major role. But what does tradition really mean? According to www.urbandictionary.com the definition of Tradition is “Peer pressure from dead people.” How can we bridge the gap between our past and our future? How can we help to see that our traditional beloved dark trade of embalming does not become extinct?

I’m sure I’m not the only one who’s been reflecting on the last six months and wondering “What in the world just happened?”  In what has been a whirlwind like none we’ve ever known, our world has been turned upside down, masks have become the new way to make a fashion statement, and we in deathcare have been thrust (in large part unwillingly) into a world of change that we could have never imagined.  In a profession that has historically been steeped in tradition and oftentimes a “this is the way we’ve always done it” mentality, many of our comfort levels have been pushed to the brink, and quickly.  But, as we in the funeral business have always done, we’ve adapted (whether we like it or not) and ended up better for it.

This pandemic will end, but our work in serving the bereaved will continue. The ways in which we respond to the grief of those who lose a loved one during this time will determine how we are trusted and valued in the future. Learn more from Dr. Sara Murphy, author of “Grieving Alone & Together: Responding to the Loss of Your Loved One during the COVID-19 Pandemic,” a booklet available for free to all funeral professionals.

Funeral Directors, We Need You! I’ve been privileged to work with funeral directors for more than forty years. I know and respect many of you as colleagues, and I count some of you among my closest friends.  Funeral directors are good people. You’re “people people.” You’re good at helping others, and your empathy skills tend to be well above average. As is typical for caregivers, many of you aren’t so good at taking care of yourselves, however. This puts you at risk of burnout and mental and physical health issues during normal times. Now, more than ever, it’s essential for you to prioritize good basic self-care.

As you know, meaningful funerals are “rites of initiation.” They help survivors start the process of taking their grief, the “internal response to loss,” and allowing it to become mourning, the “shared response to loss.” When people cannot participate in ceremony they often feel as if their mourning is “on hold.”